Chapter three looks at the situation of lala women in their private lives when tongzhi communities are increasingly accessible and public awareness of homosexuality is significantly increased as compared with the past decade. In this chapter, the author specifically examines the pressure of marriage and the ways by which lala women negotiate their non-normative gender and sexuality under the powerful rhetoric of family harmony and filial piety and within a culture that ideologically denies women as active and legitimate sexual subjects. The chapter also looks into how “silence” and “tolerance”, as culturally specific forms of homophobia, work to regulate lala women in family and marriage.